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Pages: Can't you spend time with her at your [1]
Author Topic: Can't you spend time with her at your
defilippo

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Posts: 1

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2011-02-08 11-07-39

Can't you spend time with her at your place, away from the pets?
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krutz

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Posts: 1

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2011-02-10 22-25-06

This particular woman really wanted to live with her lover. For her it was almost like it wasn't a real, committed relationship if she was only sleeping over at my apartment a couple of times a week. I was more flexible, and felt hurt that she felt like she had to make a choice. I know that was her take on things but I'm curious as to what other women think and feel.
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harnage

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Posts: 2

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2011-02-11 5-16-45-

Well, I won't give up my animals for anyone or anything. I made a commitment to each that he or she will be cared for forever. If I met someone that couldn't deal with that, for whatever reason, that would be a deal breaker.
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lockwood

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2011-02-11 8-11-55-

Honestly, I could never be with someone who didn't love animals, and that includes being able to snuggle with them. I'd date someone who is allergic, but it'd really hamper things. We'd never be able to spend the night together - she'd be allergic to my bed and I wouldn't be able to leave the dog alone all night. It might be fun for a short time, but "Allergic to pets / doesn't like pets" is a dealbreaker for me.
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share

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2011-02-12 1-03-44-

you never leave Mocha alone at night? I can leave my critters alone overnight, but I do worry about the rabbits.
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diesing

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2011-02-13 6-02-05-

not the whole night. I might occasionally come home quite late, but I'm always back before 2am. She has to stay in her kennel when I'm not there. I suppose I could leave her overnight if I let her out to pee around 9pm and got back around 7am... But I'd much rather go to sleep in my own bed and sleep in than sleep poorly and get up early to go home.
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boydstun

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Posts: 5

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2011-02-23 7-49-53-

hmm...yea, that would limit the development of a meaningful relationship.
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gest

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Posts: 16

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2011-03-24 8-08-37-

Very tough because, honestly, my pets would come first. I would never feel comfortable leaving my dogs overnight, especially on a regular basis, and I also wouldn't feel very fulfilled in a relationship with someone who couldn't live with me eventually (I like feeling part of a family). That said, if I really loved someone enough, I would see what ways there were to work around the allergies. Maybe a few rooms in my house could be kept entirely off-limits to pets, or maybe I could invest in some kind of filtering system. My gf and I moved in together after year. At that point I loved her enough that I would have moved mountains to stay with her. If she were allergic to my pets, I could imagine us renting apartments adjacent to each other or each buying half of a duplex. In any case, no matter how much I care for someone else, my pets are x% dependent on me and so must be my first responsibility. I wouldn't want to be with someone who couldn't understand that.
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    deep

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    2011-04-07 5-19-01-

    My pets are my family. Couldn't give him up for no no how.
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  • Alica

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    2011-06-25 15-24-27

    Said something earlier? Sounds like she should have been up front with you much earlier... I would guess your allergies came up soon into the "getting to know each other" stage. She should have made a decision about these things even before getting into a relationship. I decided a long time ago that if I met someone who didn't like animals, that was a deal breaker. Or someone who has allergies, unfortunately. I won't ever pretend that these issues don't matter. They do and should be addressed immediately. Kind of like ! Do I date people with or not? If I have , do I date people who have no interest in them or not? These are important questions to always consider I think. I'm so sorry to you b/c you can't help being allergic. I'm sure if you could change that, you would. Honestly, it sounds like it's best to try to move on and find someone who has a lifestyle that fits yours. There's lots of women out there who have allergies and/or don't have pets.
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    golec

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    2011-08-05 2-04-49-

    Really, really? I think that's what I want to hear: There's lots of women out there with allergies or are petless. Well, to be fair, neither of us knew how allergic I was. I grew up with pets but I seem to have gotten worse over time or something. I didn't think too hard about dating her. Now I know.
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  • wendorff

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    Posts: 13

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    2011-08-10 1-44-13-

    There are plenty of medicines out there that can make allergies completely manageable. I'd visit an allergist if you haven't already.
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    Narrima

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    Posts: 19

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    2011-09-22 0-48-39-

    you poor thing! I hate that you have to worry about this! But you do... I guess I would come out with it immediately. How allergic are you, anyway? Can you be in the same house?
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    tieken

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    2011-09-22 5-12-36-

    You are being too sweet LoveBug. I can't live in the same house with them. I took allergy meds the whole time I was growing up with our dogs, but I haven't had pets for years. After I starting dating this woman, I went to have my allergies checked out because I seemed to be having a really hard time. I guess I had a welt the size of a dinner plate on my back.
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  • kreuger

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    2011-11-22 18-09-01

    better off Sounds like allergies that severe couldn't be worked around. And it's certainly not good to take allergy meds constantly... Seems like it's for the best even if it hurts right now.
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    foulke

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    Posts: 21

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    2011-11-29 21-50-24

    touchearthx indeed! let her know upfront the alergy issue, always best to start off with honesty and communication. : )
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    Posts: 15

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    2011-12-27 10-43-28

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    2011-12-29 18-45-35

    yea well I got it for christmas :P
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    2012-03-01 0-03-47-

    Bwahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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  • saleeby

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    2012-04-02 6-18-15-

    It can be do-able she takes allergy meds pets no longer allowed in bedroom works just fine
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  • wiemers

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    2012-05-09 23-16-42

    Thank you all for your thoughtful responses.
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    omdahl

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    2012-08-21 2-29-02-

    I'm very allergic to Cats, and various other animals. I manage it by taking allergy meds. Without allergy meds I start showing symptoms such as red itchy eyes within an hour of being at someone's house. Within x hours I can barely breathe. I carry allergy meds in my purse. Because cats know this and are therefore very attracted to me. And of course I pet them. As far as dating, I tell someone right up front that I have these allergies. I would not expect someone to get rid of their pets for me.
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    tallulah

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    2012-11-04 13-44-59

    I'm sorry that the relationship didn't work out, but it was a very loving thing to do for your gf.
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  • madonna

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    2012-12-13 11-16-27

    thanks! she was awesome, things just didnt work out...we were young
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  • ballman

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    Posts: 20

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    2012-12-23 22-50-25

    tough situation butthat would come under the umbrella of "can't fix" in my book. I wouldn't give up my pets for anyone - though I would seriously figure out what I could do to manage the allergy situation (cat-free rooms, sheets over couches while not home and removed when allergic person is home so she could use the couch, etc.).
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  • bateman

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    2013-02-14 16-51-32

    I've been with my partner ... for over x years and she is allergic to my pets. That is why we don't live in the same house. We spend time together at her house and I am fortunate thatof my daughters lives with me and takes care of the dogs when I am g I would never think of giving them up, that's for sure. But if a relationship is important to both people, there are compromises that can be made.
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    shreeram

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    2013-03-14 2-15-14-

    Toughie, but if she already chose without trying to work something out, that doesn't seem to great a start. On the other side though, i am the last person on the planet that should be listened to for relationship advice!
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    barraco

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    2013-04-19 6-04-48-

    good point.
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