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Pages: Am I overreacting?? [1]
Author Topic: Am I overreacting??
melba

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2015-05-29 17-22-49

Am I overreacting?? My wife has battled depression our entire x+ year marriage. We/her/me/the have been in counseling on and off for most of the marriage also. x years ago my wife entered a x-step for alcoholism after I caught her driving our sons with a .x blood alcohol level. Last week she got taken to the hospital after dropping our daughter off at pre-school. Turns out she couldn't drive/stand/sit because she had taken a double dose of her anti-anxiety medication. She still went ahead and drove our daughter to pre-school when our xyo son was asleep in the next room and could have driven her instead. She is now "shocked" that I have filed for sole custody of our after her "mistake". I have talked to friends and family and they are very supportive. But I want to ask people with no emotional/relationship stake in this....am I overreacting??
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wenger

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2015-06-10 14-00-11

Please clarify... You referred to her as your wife. Are you still together?
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pinsky

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2015-06-14 7-43-47-

Divorce just filed on Tuesday. Did so to protect the from her bad decision making. Wanted to save the marriage. After what she did today, I'm not so sure anymore....
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  • triplett

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    2015-06-29 9-03-37-

    You can probably count on filing divorce as ending the marriage. I think you have a case for sole custody.
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  • baskin

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    2015-08-06 11-20-06

    I hope you are wrong but you are probably right. She is taking the filing as a personal attack and refusing to take any more responsibility for what she than as a mistake. The mistake which now has her in intensive daily outpatient therapy because she threatened suicide and there were no female psych beds available in the area. And she still doesn't understand why I feel the need to protect the ren.
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    koperski

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    2015-08-17 21-27-11

    I hope I am wrong too. There are no easy answers. You are doing the best you know how to do--and protecting your ren. My ex had some mental problems, but they were not as extreme--except for the suicide attempts. If you do your absolute best and it doesn't work, you have no reason to feel guilty or second guess yourself. Please remember that.
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    pasillas

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    2015-08-26 1-04-11-

    I amof those optimistic, bull headed people who always think they can do more or try harder. I also have a real "thing" about commitments. But I feel like I bent over backwards trying to accommodate her behavior, trying to patch up her relationship with the , trying to make the relationship work. I know there aresides to every story, and I sure wish I could hear her side. I wish I didn't feel responsible for all this, but I do. I took the step I felt I needed to take for the sake of the . I would do it again knowing the consequences. I will just have to work through this.
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    rugh

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    2015-09-17 14-53-48

    I'm the same way. Optimistic, forgiving, and willing to take the short end of the stick in order to keep the peace. Knowing that you bent over backwards--and probably did much more than anyone (except you) would expect--you have no reason for guilt. To state the obvious, marriage takes x people. All you can do is all you can do. Don't beat yourself up for not being both people.
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    golubina

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    2015-09-27 16-31-25

    Thanks I appreciate the sentiment and advice. I keep trying to focus on positive things. Little hard when the wife raided the bank account and took half of our cash and I now have to buy school clothes and supplies xx this weekend. But, whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger....I can feel those muscles building even now. :-)
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  • borland

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    2015-10-15 4-01-45-

    Oh how I do feel your pain. Mine closed checking and money market. She left a couple of hundred dollars in savings--and $x,x in bills! It took x years and working x to x jobs the whole time, but it worked out. With an attitude like yours, you have a winning formula. Everyone I talk to says that in order to recover financially you have to do nothing but work for x years. Your life is on hold during that time. With ren, it will take longer. It's worth the investment of time though. You will look back and be amazed at what you were able to do.
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  • jarecki

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    2015-11-30 12-17-22

    Two Years I took meyears working x hours a day to get back on my feet. Now x years later I always have money in the bank where before we never did, He always was doing get rich which made us poor.
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  • wetzstein

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    2015-12-04 13-42-12

    emotional manipulator look that up that is what she is playing right now. So far you have been enabling her to get away with things without consequences. I know this sounds tough..but sometimes tough love is the way to the solution. A relationship is based on trust and should be x/x and it sure sounds like you put in your x percent trying to keep your family unit intact. This might be her wake up or it might not only she can fix herself if she wants to. Just don't allow her to blame you for her self issues and issues she seems to have with life. It sure sounds like a day volunteering handing out blankets to chemo patients at a local clinic might be in order for her...showing her all these people who would trade her health and life without a thought and here she is thinking of wasting her own...and all these others are fighting to live. In my personal opinion she needs to get over herself and life revolves around me attitude.
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  • Maggi

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    2015-12-06 20-19-14

    So sorry for what you are going through depression is tough to deal with. You have to put the safety first, so I don't think you are overreacting. Do you think the over medicating could have been an honest mistake? If not, then I agree with the your decision. If it could have been a mistake, maybe you can keep the meds in the car with you or in a daily pill box and you can avoid that kind of probelm in the future. My mother suffers from Bi-Polar depression and BPD. Her and my father just celebrated x years. It is difficult, but he loves her. We all do. He seperates her pills into those plastic things that have each day of the week on them. That way he nows if she is taking to much or isn't taking them at all. He has done that for about x years now and it has worked well. Before that she would go on and off her meds at will and cause alot of chaos in our lives. Good Luck to you. I wish for you lots of strength and patience.
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  • heung-do

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    2015-12-16 5-48-59-

    I grew up with a addicted dad and promised myself that I would not do that to my . My dad was on painkillers and when that didn't work for him, he "enhanced" them with Jim Beam. As for the mistake part, my wife had taken the medication in the past and knew what the side effects were on the low dosage (they made her so woozy she usually just laid down). My wife is also a registered nurse, who has to understand drugs and reactions for a living. My xyo has already told me that life around the house is much calmer now. My xyo has such a poor relationship that he doesn't even want to see his mom. The xyo is just confused.
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  • campanale

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    2016-01-18 1-47-54-

    Overmedicating?? Big red flag for addiction. Tell her that she must seek treatment - and get into cognitive behavioral treatment. It is most effective and helps people learn new ways of dealin with emotions and life. There is hope that she will get some treatment and come around, but in the meantime take the actions that you must to protect the . I suffered horribly being raised with my mother in the house. I understand now (at x yo) that it was mental illness, but I was confused my entire life about emotions and love and normal interactions with others. Make sure the also get therapy so that they can learn about mental illness and learn to blame the disease and still love their mom.
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  • balint

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    2016-01-23 6-33-41-

    She is already in therapy but is now in intensive outpatient program because she threatened suicide. She was supposed to go inpatient, but there were no female psych beds in the area. She thinks that a week of this outpatient program and I should trust her unsupervised with the anytime she wants.
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